Need

He keeps me around because he needs me. And I'm not saying it's all just about the money. After all, I am not rich, and he has a job too.

But somehow, I feel like he will be nice and he definitely won't pick a fight for as long as he needs something from me, or will be asking something of me.

And to me, that means that when he no longer has use for me, I will be left like trash on a sidewalk. Which is what happens on weekends when he wants to go drinking, or whatever.

And this is a very awful feeling. No one should ever feel that way. This is stuff that feeds paranoia, breeds distrust.

Part of me just wants to build him up and boost him to the point that he will no longer need me emotionally. So he won't need my help in ways that he needs me now. Maybe then he can finally own up if he really wants to stick around or not. Part of me just wishes he maintains his sad sorry state, so he will forever need to stay close.

Or maybe I'm just reading this all wrong. Maybe he does love me after all.